Thinking Out Loud

It’s amazing how fast time goes by when you think it’s creeping along. For example, last night I noticed I hadn’t posted anything four days. Yikes!

Though my mind is preoccupied, I can’t use it as an excuse to stop paying attention to active projects. Before I go further, let me change the tone because this sounds like a A Writer’s Adventure post.

What I’m doing here is venting. I want readers to know that the struggle is real. I’ve lived in New York City for a month and it’s been the most terrifying experience of my life.

On the flip side, I’m breaking out of my shell and finding out who I really am. I’m stronger than I thought. I simply refuse to let this place beat me.

I came close to throwing in the towel and I mean to the tune of buying a bus ticket and waiting a few hours to go back home.

It was so hard to decide because I gave up everything in my old life to start a new one and I was giving up before the fight really began.

One thing I did was I started talking to people. Everything is not on the internet. I learned how to better navigate through city and find training and job programs to help me establish my new career.

I’m going to tell you a secret, if you ever decide to go after your goals, you’d better keep your head on straight. What I mean is, never lose sight of what you are doing and why you’re doing it.

Each time I want to throw in the towel, I remind myself that what I wish to do would take much longer at home because they lack the resources. In The Big Apple, opportunity is everywhere, but you have to be smart about it.

You must pick your battles.

The other day I went to Brooklyn to see an apartment and attend an information meeting for production assistants. Being that I didn’t know my way around, I couldn’t waste time.

On average, I give myself a hour to get to get somewhere. This works and it’s my rule of thumb. I usually arrive at places fifteen minutes early.

Back to the seeing the apartment. I called this guy and reminded him that we spoke a couple of days prior. An he wasn’t prepared to show me the place. We set a time for me to call, we could me.

It was obvious he didn’t write anything down. He wanted me to call back in twenty minutes to see if he could arrange a showing and he had the nerve to sound irritated. In my mind, we did this two days prior. I saw it was an hour a ten minutes before the meeting. At that point I said “forget it”.

My time is valuable. What the point of calling someone, being courteous, making arrangements, when the other party forgets you? I’ll tell you, the old me would’ve accepted that behavior.

Each time I say “no” to ridiculous things, I get stronger and in this city, you have to have an alligator’s skin or you will get nothing accomplished.

Sure, I need a permanent place to stay, but not at the cost of wasting my time and insulting my intelligence. He lost a great tenant and I lost a crappy landlord. In hindsight, I think he would’ve been a terrible person to rent from.

Sure, he probably has people contacting him all of the time; not my problem. Sure, he probably is busy; not my problem. He lost my money by no being considerate. I didn’t place the ad, he did. If it’s a hassle to show the place, then take it off the market.

The bottom line is he wanted me to conform to his schedule and I didn’t. I didn’t have twenty minutes to give him. He missed that opportunity by not caring enough to stick the original appointment at eleven am. I didn’t call him to be social.  He didn’t make time for me, so why should I do the same?

I know that’s a bit of a rant, but I want you to understand, that you don’t have to take a person’s crap. If you do everything in your power the right way, then why can’t others be held accountable, too?

Just because I’m in an uncomfortable situation doesn’t mean that I will put up with nonsense. Knowing what I want helps me stay focused. By that I mean, I know how I want to be treated and I demand to be treated with respect, not as an afterthought or a pest.

All in all, I made the right choice. I went to the information meeting and I made it just in time. That’s pretty good for a girl who doesn’t know her way through Brooklyn. Asking people along the way helped.

Once I was headed in the right direction, I kept asking people on the bus and on the street and I got to where I needed to be. My mom told me that I’d better open my mouth and start talking if I want to make it and she was right.

Chipping away from my shell is getting easier. I’m letting my true self shine and it feels good.

Thanks for “listening” and I hope you take something from this post. If it helps a little, it means a lot. Seize the day, enjoy life.



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